Leaving the Nest: How to Make it On Your Own

Moving out is scary, weird, and the most adult step you will take after graduating college or high school. I moved out of my parents' house just over a month ago. So far time has been absolutely flying by so it's really only felt like a couple weeks. I've been teetering in the surreal "I'm not going home" phase for the better part of the month, but I'm okay with that because for me I think it's making the separation easier. It might also be easier for me because I moved in with my boyfriend, so I'm not completely on my own, but I am still seven hours away from my parents. In this post I'm going to detail on the things I've done to make the transition to independence a simpler, less scary one.

Making the big jump to moving out was a little tough at the beginning. My parents were nervous because I was choosing to move seven hours and a different state away without having a full-time job. They were also nervous about the fact that I was moving in with my boyfriend, which, for parents, is understandable. To help quell their fears, I had to make sure my boyfriend and I had everything about our living situation planned out before making any steps. I had to prove to them and to myself that I could make it on my own. My boyfriend and I sat down and made a budget of expenses to outline exactly what I would have to be paying for. Regardless of whether or not you are moving in with someone, you should make a budget before you make any moves. That way you will know what you're going to be responsible for and when, and what kind of lifestyle you'll be able to afford on your own.  Your budget should include, but won't be limited to:

• monthly rent
• loan payments (student loans, car loans, etc.)
• credit card payments
• weekly groceries
• gas or other transportation funds
• utilities (electric, gas, trash, cable/internet, etc)
• social life
• emergency funds

Creating a budget will really help you start understanding where your money is going and how you'll be able to live.  It can also determine whether or not you can live on your own versus if you need a roommate.  After I was able to show my parents that I would be able to stick to my budget on my substitute teacher's salary (for a while, at least), they agreed to let me go and see what I could make of myself on my own.

When you do get out on your own, don't forget about the budget!  Money is probably the single most important thing you'll have to worry about when you move out, and you're going to want to keep a close eye on every bit of your spending.  Record everything, save receipts, and if you're like me and have trouble remembering to balance your checkbook, check your online bank statement at least once a day.  That way you know exactly where your money is going, and if you see you need to have more of it to make your monthly expenses, you have a visual of what you can cut back on.

Another perk of moving in with my boyfriend was that I really saved a lot of money on having to find an apartment and furnishing it.  He already had done that since he's been in his place over a year.  But that's something you'll need to consider, too: how will you make your own place liveable?  If your family or friends don't have old furniture to give you, there are lots of other outlets to check!  There is no shame in turning to Craigslist or newspaper ads to find cheap furniture.  Also, discount furniture warehouses offer good options, too.  Moving sales or garage sales are a guarantee for cheap furniture.  My boyfriend got a beautiful coffee table, bar stools, desk, and some great appliances (like a Keurig) for FREE when someone in his apartment complex was moving out.  You can't beat that!  I know everyone wants to have that adorably decorated first apartment/house, but for most of us on a budget that's not the case.  Ikea might be cheap, but it's not that cheap.  Unless you absolutely know you have the funds to invest in more expensive pieces, I absolutely recommend hitting Craigslist and finding some pieces you can put some DIY into! We all know you have a whole Pinterest board dedicated to fixing up furniture, so now is the time to do it!

Another thing I want to touch on is moving in with someone.  Whether that person is your S.O. or just a friend, as college taught us, roommates aren't always the easiest.  If you're moving in with someone who already has an established environment, like I did with my boyfriend, it's very important to come in respecting that.  When you're moving out of your parents' house, it's very easy to get decorating and re-organzing fever, but understand that your roommate already has things in his or her own system.  This is especially true if you're moving in with a boyfriend or girlfriend.  Cohabitation can be a difficult transition to make, so take it easy.  Bring your stuff and ask them where you can put it.  Ask where an ideal spot for your own little corner would be.   In our apartment, it's the desk space, because I spend a lot of time there with school stuff.  So that's where I keep my brightly colored prints and tchotchkes and girly things that he wouldn't necessarily want scattered everywhere.  He's let me rearrange some stuff, add some more decorations, and make the place more organized, but for the most part, I really wanted to respect the fact that he was here first and was the one to invite me to move in.   People, and men in particular, I think, can be scared when someone swoops in and changes everything about their environment, even for a happy ocassion like moving in together.  In a situation where things are already a little delicate as you both adjust, it's better to be conservative and think of the other person first.  I know for us there will be lots of opportunities in our future to have a perfectly decorated, adorably "coupley" habitat, but this first living situation won't be it.  I'm okay with that.

Living on your own (or with a roommate) doesn't have to be all terrifying.  It actually is a lot of fun, once you start getting the hang of things.  Cooking dinner most nights, creating a nice little space for yourself, and managing your life on your own is thrilling in a way that you can't really do while still living with your parents.  It's like moving away to college but on steroids.  A final thing that really helped my transition were words of support from my parents: You can always come back.  Knowing that, if by some horrible chance things on my own don't work out, I can go home has been comforting and some of the biggest words of support they could have given me.  And you should know that, too.  You can always go back.  Or somewhere else.  Living situations are never permanent, and if you're not ready to be on your own yet, take your time!  We all get there at different points in our lives.  I know I'm only a month-ish deep so far and things can change, but that's how I've been doing my thing.  If you have any questions or comments about living on your own, please leave me some love!


So fear not fellow fledglings!  We'll get through this together!